I have had this feeling for a while now, that something is missing. An empty hollow in the pit of my stomach - that something is missing in my business. But in a typically Stacey fashion, I filled this void with more work, scattered tasks and just a general feeling of dread most days. I have this feeling that I am destined to do more.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my work, I am blessed to run a successful (defined by my terms) business but still nothing, emptiness -JUST BLANK. Until I realised one day that I have spent years defining my businesses core values & principles - filled my days with business strategy, mindset, productivity and marketing tools that I actually lost who I was along the way. Me, Stacey - the person NOT the business owner. In some cruel twist of fate all my hobbies have now become work tasks. The books I read, podcasts I listen to, memberships I belong to all revolve around business.
I started my own business at the age of 24, so being an entrepreneur pretty much defined most of my young adult life. BUT the other day I thought - a person who works for a corporate company wouldn't define themselves as a worker / employee? So why is my definition business owner? Surely the woman I once was, was destined to be more than just that. I am also a wife and a mother, two titles I love, but what else?
What are my interests & hobbies outside of work? Every time I get into something for the fun of it I seem to always be thinking hhhhhmm I wonder if I could sell that? So I have set myself this task of discovering who I am, outside of my work persona. What do I like, what is my purpose and how can I make a difference in this world outside of my business. How can I create and make just for the sake of it. No judgement, no pressure, just wild enthusiasm.
One of my favourite movies is Julia and Julie - I sobbed the first time I watched it. And I sobbed when I watched it a couple of weeks ago. Partly because I remember feeling so inspired to chase my dreams after watching it. So I have decided to do something similar - write a personal blog post for an entire year, with no intention other than to discover where this might lead me.
I did a card reading this morning, and the way I could choose to move forward with grounded action was to “ surrender to the sweetness” and that is exactly what I intend to do for the next 365 days. To create for creation’s sake, to laugh and play and leave work at work, to read books, to discover and mostly to help fuse my slow living principles more into my work. So instead of work influencing my life, I am going to choose to let my life influence my work.
My journey towards a slower existence began almost two years ago. I remember it was New Year’s Eve, we had just moved to the UK in the May and I was sick, burnt out and filled to the brim with anxiety!!. I decided there and then that I need to make drastic changes in my life, for the sake of my family.
And I am proud to say that I have made so many changes in my life:
- I no longer drink alcohol which has made a massive impact on my anxiety
- I no longer fall prey to consumerist habits, and choose not to use shopping to fill the void
- I no longer eat meat (which is a personal choice, and one I make for the planet, my daughter, and general well being)
- I am trying to develop healthier eating habits. I now take regular lunch breaks and try not to sit at my desk for 8 hours straight
- I have developed a daily spiritual practice that helps me stay focused and connected to my mind, body and soul
- I severed ties with toxic people
- created healthy boundaries (still working on this as I am such a people pleaser)
- and I have made up for the lost time with my daughter. When she was born I was in the wedding industry and I didn't have the luxury of maternity leave.For a long time I felt like this made me a bad mother, but now I believe it made me stronger and I appreciate every single moment we spend together
But now it's time to play at home, in actual fact it's time to play in general.Why should work be so serious, why can't I bring my slow, spiritual, & purposeful way of being into my work? I have tried to do this, but I am still very much set in my old ways. Still defining my value with how busy I am. I love telling people how busy we are, but am I really busy or just keeping myself in the business cycle to avoid being still with myself. These are all the things I want to explore over the next year. I want to discover who Stacey is. I want to discover, experiment and create consciously. To find ways to enjoy the mundane, to get more enjoyment from my creative work and most importantly just get lost in the process!!
I hope you will join me on this journey x